Hi! So even though I haven't been blogging all that much ... I swear I've been working on overcoming fears like I promised. I've said no when it would be easier to say yes...I've kept my mouth shut when it would be easier to freak out, I've forgiven when it was hard, I've loved when I didn't initially want to.... but.... as I've learned, if you don't write them down there really is no evidence that they ever happened, no mile markers for accomplishments.
Soooo.... here are some of the things I faced this year that I was afraid of...in order of events these are the facts:
1. Januaryish ~ I started a new job! It's a real career type job. This scared me for several reasons. I was always worried that people think I can do things I can't and I would be found out as a fraud. It also meant committing to an occupation and to not being able to travel whenever I want...but I'd only have 10 days off and have to plan accordingly. This job has been really hard at times (especially today) but it always ends up good.
2. I opened up to someone that I actually didn't know that well. I was brutally honest about myself to this person and really allowed them to know me. This person helped me understand things about myself and dreams that I didn't think were there. Through genuine friendship and good questions I found a true friend and I will be forever grateful for him.
3. Lived completely by myself....and LOVED IT! haha
4. The relationship that I genuinely thought would last forever ended. I was afraid to have this relationship end because I was truly in love. I knew I would loose my very best friend. I would miss his family. I had so many expectations that I knew would not be fulfilled or would be postponed. I didn't really know where I fit in a group anymore as I had only been single for a total of 6 months in the last 6 years. And then there's the heartbreak which just can't even be described. But, I have to say I have learned so much in these last few months single. I have learned that my instincts are right, healing comes, truth never waivers and happiness is always in reach and that I am so blessed and always watched over.
5. I ran in the Warrior Dash!!!! It was only a 5k BuUUuuuUUt it was suuuper muddy and fun and had these sweet obstacles. I ran it with my friend Jen Mooth and my Aunt Cryste and Uncle Justin (also a shout out to Jenni O and Lindsay Peterson). It was a lot harder than I thought...that running through thick mud, climbing over walls, walking on planks, army crawling in mud under barbed wire, climbing a cargo net and jumping over fire was a bigger challenge than I had expected....but TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!
-I went cliff jumping in St. George...not really an accomplishment but oh so fun!
6.Relief Society - For a little while now I've serve as the Relief Society president at my church (if you don't know what that is ask me!). It was interesting because I don't normally think of myself as a weak person but this year I have been W-E-A-K at several specific moments. 2 of those were when I went to Pres. Dueck and very tearfully told him I needed to be released. Both times he said no. I remember specifically my responses "are you sure?" and then another time hanging my head and tearfully explaining "I have nothing left to give." I am very grateful for my Branch President and his insight. I love my calling and have really seen the blessings of and hand of the Lord in this calling and my life. If you really thrusting in your sickle when you don't know how or where to swing you will be guided.
7. GRE - enough said...no I didn't really study...yes I'm taking it again...but I think I know what I want to study and what I want to do :) so direction is good!
8. Bought plain tickets to New York and South Carolina (okay not afraid suuuper excited!)
9. Tomorrow I will have my first surgery ever. Well, sorta surgery. It's just a finger...a middle finger which would be stuck straight up if I didn't get it fixed. This is really the first time (other than the car accident) that I haven't gone to the doctor and had them say "it's a miracle but nothings wrong." I'm not excited. I'm not necessarily afraid but it's just new... and I really would rather not recover looking like Edward Scissorhands and having pins sticking out of my finger but that's what I'll have for the next while....
I'll figure out how to post pictures and I'll add them....
I really am so happy and grateful right now in my life (except for the dumb surgery). OH....and a I'm really excited that I get new nephews (or a niece ....still not sure). Auntie is my favorite title so keep 'em coming sistas....brothers...please hold off, you're still babies.
